The Cynic: September 29

BUSINESS
This Week’s Business News

If Washington shuts down, the jobs report shuts up.

The Labor Department says that if a partial government shutdown hits, it will suspend key economic releases—yes, including Friday’s September jobs report—because even data needs funding to leave the house.

That means the Fed, Wall Street, and every econ influencer with a ring light will be guessing at payrolls like it’s Powerball. Even Commerce hasn’t fully mapped its contingencies, so GDP and retail sales could wobble too.

Bottom line: if Congress misses the deadline, markets trade vibes and rumors until the spreadsheets come back online.

Senators want NHTSA to ask Tesla’s FSD a simple question: “Do you see the train?”

Sens. Ed Markey and Richard Blumenthal urged a probe into how Tesla’s Full Self-Driving handles railroad crossings, citing safety risks if the system doesn’t detect and respond properly. Tesla and NHTSA haven’t replied yet, which feels on brand for both.

The request lands atop existing scrutiny of Tesla’s driver-assist features and follows earlier investigations tied to performance in low-visibility conditions. Translation: regulators are done letting the beta test itself.

Reminder: FSD still requires a fully alert driver. If your car can text you memes but can’t see a freight train, your “autonomy” is just cruise control with a law degree.

EA just rage-quit public markets in a $55B LBO—new high score.

Electronic Arts agreed to be taken private for about $55 billion in the largest leveraged buyout ever, led by Silver Lake with Saudi Arabia’s PIF and Affinity Partners in the party. Shareholders get $210 per share, roughly a 25% premium.

The bet: long-lived franchises and in-game money printers beat quarterly earnings anxiety. The risk: $20B in new debt is a lot of loot boxes.

If you’re keeping score at home, the prior record was TXU in 2007; EA just speed-ran that level—without cheat codes.

INVESTING
This Week’s Investment

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REAL ESTATE
This Week’s Real Estate News

Pending home sales popped—apparently 11-month-low mortgage rates still move humans.

Signed contracts jumped 4.0% in August (vs. 0.2% expected) and rose 3.8% year-over-year, with gains across most regions as lower rates nudged buyers off the fence and onto the docu-sign.

NAR says the South, Midwest, and West rebounded while the Northeast slipped; momentum helps, but a softer labor market could keep the celebration muted.

Translation: cheaper financing helps you win the house; job growth helps you keep it. Right now we have “some of the first thing, less of the second.”

Miami suburb’s housing boom meets a quiet exit sign.

Parts of the Miami area—like Doral, once a magnet for Venezuelan and other migrants—are seeing an exodus, cooling what had been a red-hot local market. Call it reverse migration, with a Zillow tab.

Fewer new arrivals mean fewer rapid-fire leases and offers; the story varies block by block, but the “always up” era looks less inevitable than last summer’s headlines implied.

For landlords and flippers, the new math is simple: you still need demand—even in South Florida, even with palm trees.

Sanibel’s luxury market proves recovery is a marathon—on sand.

Three years after Hurricane Ian, Sanibel Island’s high-end homes are steadily returning, but rebuilding is slow, expensive, and allergic to timelines—custom cabinets don’t ship faster just because the Gulf looks pretty.

Listings are reappearing and big renovations are nearing completion, yet supply chains, insurance, and permitting keep the pipeline lumpy.

Translation: resilience sells, but so do flood maps. Buyers want views; insurers want actuarial poetry. Everyone wants a new roof.

FUN
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ADVICE
This Week’s Business Advice

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