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- The Cynic: September 21
The Cynic: September 21
The Cynic
September 21, 2025
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BUSINESS
This Week’s Business News
H-1B “fast & furious” weekend: tech workers racing airports like Vin Diesel with a visa.
Business Insider | Amazon CEO Andy Jassy
A surprise White House fee on new H-1B applicants caused sheer panic: companies told overseas staff to drop everything, pack a carry-on, and sprint for the nearest departure gate like it was Black Friday at Walmart.
The administration later clarified renewals were exempt, but not before thousands of engineers got slapped with $3,000 emergency flights and a side of mild cardiac arrest.
Moral of the story: in America, we don’t deport you—we just charge cover like it’s a nightclub.
TikTok’s new math: six Americans, one ByteDance guy, and the algorithm gets babysat by Oracle.
REUTERS | Jeenah Moon
The White House plan gives TikTok’s U.S. ops seven directors—six red, white, and blue, one lonely Chinese seat, and an algorithm under constant surveillance like it’s on parole.
ByteDance will officially have less control of TikTok than your Aunt Linda has over her Wordle streak. Meanwhile, 170 million Americans will continue scrolling videos of golden retrievers with no idea they’re part of a geopolitical custody battle.
Let’s be honest: Congress doesn’t care who runs TikTok, as long as it doesn’t recommend Chinese dance trends before November.
Polestar is recalling 27,816 EVs because the backup camera is auditioning for “Guess Who.”
REUTERS | Hemanshi Kamani
Apparently, in thousands of Polestar 2s, when you shift into reverse, the camera sometimes forgets to turn on. You know—just the one feature you actually need in a car with zero rear visibility.
No crashes reported yet, though likely because most Polestar owners are too terrified of scratches to park anywhere that isn’t valet.
It’s 2025, and yet we’re still recalling cars for… mirrors. Elon must be furious he didn’t think of this excuse first.
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REAL ESTATE
This Week’s Real Estate News
The Fed cut rates—and your mortgage quote went up anyway, because markets are trolling you personally.
AFP | Getty Images
Powell cut 25 bps, CNBC threw a party, and then mortgage rates shrugged and climbed, because long-term yields don’t take orders from central bankers—they take orders from vibes.
Translation: your credit card is cheaper, but that house you wanted? Still unaffordable. Don’t worry, at least you can now finance a Peloton at slightly less ruinous APR.
It’s like the Fed is handing out coupons for milk while the grocery store raises steak prices.
Refi rules: save 50 bps, do the math, and for the love of God don’t move.
Courtesy of Zuri Gardens
If you bought at 7.5% and rates slip into the 6s, congrats—you’re the lucky winner of a refi wave. Everyone else: sit down, run the breakeven math, and pray your lender doesn’t bury fees in line item 47.
The classic move: only refinance if your savings cover costs in under 24 months. Otherwise, you’re just donating paperwork to Wells Fargo’s recycling bin.
Also: stop being seduced by ARMs. Adjustable-rate mortgages are just Tinder dates disguised as marriages—fun until the reset shows up with child support.
Mortgage rates fell to a 3-year low right before the meeting—markets love to front-run Santa.
REUTERS | Sarah Meyssonnier
Average 30-year fixed rates notched their best level since late 2022, helped by cooler inflation and cut chatter—exactly when “we’re not buying” buyers start, well, buying.
Lower rates help qualification, but price and thin inventory still gate the dream; the pre-approval letter finally clears, the budget still argues back.
Sellers may see multiple offers again—this time with contingencies, because 2021’s no-inspection cosplay is over.
“Reading The Cynic is like being handed a lit firework—painful, reckless… yet impossible to ignore.”
FUN
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I look cheaper when I rise,
I feel heavier when I fall.
I’m the reason you refinance,
And the reason you don’t call.
What am I?
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ADVICE
This Week’s Business Advice
“If your strategy depends on perfect timing, it’s not a strategy—it’s a lottery ticket.”
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