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- The Cynic: September 12
The Cynic: September 12
The Cynic
September 12, 2025
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BUSINESS
This Week’s Business News
Tesla’s U.S. market share just dropped to its lowest since 2017—because competition finally showed up.
Business Insider | Amazon CEO Andy Jassy
The Swiss watchmaker is poking fun at Trump’s 39% tariff on Swiss watches with a limited-edition timepiece literally named How Much?—complete with a price tag printed on the dial. Subtle? No. Effective? Absolutely.
The watch costs $105 in Switzerland and comes with packaging mimicking a customs declaration. It’s bold, pink, and was probably designed after one too many espresso martinis.
Trump hasn’t responded to the dig yet, but if he does, expect it to involve capital letters, a Truth Social post, and the phrase “failing time industry.”
Wall Street is prepping for quarter-end liquidity stress—aka the financial system’s version of a sinus infection.
REUTERS | Jeenah Moon
Money market rates are creeping higher as banks hoard cash ahead of quarter-end balance sheet deadlines. Everyone’s pretending it’s fine, but also checking the plumbing every 15 minutes.
Liquidity tends to tighten at the end of each quarter, but traders say this time feels extra crunchy, especially with the Fed still holding rates high enough to make mortgage bankers weep.
No one’s screaming “crisis” yet, but if reverse repo starts trending on X again, you’ll know things got spicy.
China’s Xpeng is recalling nearly 47,500 EVs—because the steering might be more “suggestion” than “control.”
REUTERS | Hemanshi Kamani
The recall affects P7 sedans built between 2019 and 2021 due to potential problems with the electric power steering system. Basically, the car might suddenly forget what “straight line” means.
Xpeng says the issue hasn't caused any accidents, but it's still voluntarily recalling the vehicles—which is very un-Chinese-manufacturer of them.
The company’s stock dipped slightly on the news, but most investors were just impressed that someone in the EV world said “steering” and “recall” in the same sentence without mentioning Tesla.
REAL ESTATE
This Week’s Real Estate News
Opendoor’s stock jumped 16% because Keith Rabois might come back—and tech bros are sentimental like that.
AFP | Getty Images
CEO Carrie Wheeler stepped down last month, and former COO Narya Nejatian is now in charge. But news that board member and PayPal Mafia veteran Keith Rabois may return to an executive role sent shares flying.
Rabois helped build Opendoor’s early growth and is now being viewed like a prodigal startup dad returning with wisdom and hopefully better margins.
Whether he’ll actually return to an operational role is still unclear, but one thing’s certain: this company’s PR team knows how to whisper “maybe” and move markets.
Mortgage demand just hit a 3-year high—because 7.2% rates are now considered “chill.”
Courtesy of Zuri Gardens
Applications to buy homes jumped 5% last week, the highest level since early 2022. Apparently, after three years of 6-8% interest rate trauma, buyers are numb enough to write offers again.
The spike comes after a dip in rates and the back-to-school mentality of “might as well settle down before the Fed does something weird again.”
Still, the housing market remains brutally expensive, so buyers aren’t so much excited as they are surrendering with dignity.
Trump wants Fed Governor Adriana Kugler out—and possibly Powell too.
REUTERS | Sarah Meyssonnier
He said he’d “absolutely not” reappoint Kugler if reelected and took another shot at Powell’s leadership. It’s part of Trump’s broader criticism of the Fed, which he’s blamed for keeping rates high and growth low.
The White House defended Kugler, calling her “eminently qualified,” while the Fed declined to comment—because they have a strict no-reply policy on drama.
Kugler, the first Latina on the Fed board, has not responded. But it’s safe to assume she’s not thrilled about being turned into a campaign soundbite.
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ADVICE
This Week’s Business Advice
“If your deal only works at 0% interest rates, it’s not a deal—it’s a fantasy.”
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