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- The Cynic: October 31
The Cynic: October 31
The Cynic
October 31, 2025
In partnership with
BUSINESS
This Week’s Business News
Trump’s new Korea trade deal is so good, South Korea’s currency might need therapy.
REUTERS
The agreement cuts U.S. auto tariffs and secures up to $350 billion in Korean investment into the U.S.—which sounds patriotic until you realize it’s all leaving Seoul faster than a K-pop star avoiding scandal.
Analysts say it could weigh on the won even as Korean manufacturers cheer the access.
So yes, America wins—again—and Hyundai just became the world’s most confused middle child.
Musk’s “DOGE” team is leaving the SEC — proving even regulators can’t survive Musk’s management style.
REUTERS | Jeenah Moon
Reuters reports Elon’s Department of Government Efficiency (DOGE)—the Trump-appointed agency slashing bureaucracy—has finished its SEC downsizing mission and is packing up.
Critics say it gutted vital oversight; supporters say it finally made the SEC efficient enough to fit in a Tesla glove box.
Either way, it’s official: the SEC’s most volatile asset was never crypto—it was Elon.
Tesla recalled 6,200 Cybertrucks because apparently the light bar thought it was auditioning for Fast & Furious 12: Off-Road Reckoning.
REUTERS | Hemanshi Kamani
NHTSA said the light bar can detach, which is less “innovation” and more “nighttime boomerang.”
Owners will get a free fix, which is a nice change from Tesla’s usual customer-service policy of “try turning it off and on again.”
It’s fine—every Cybertruck owner already expected their vehicle to be part of a beta test.
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REAL ESTATE
This Week’s Real Estate News
Commercial real estate firms are “going all in on AI”—translation: they bought ChatGPT Plus and made a PowerPoint.
AFP | Getty Images
A new report shows nearly 90% of CRE companies have AI pilots, but only 5% actually hit their goals.
Apparently, copying “optimize tenant experience” into a spreadsheet isn’t quite the revolution they promised investors.
Still, it’s comforting to know robots now get to fail at real estate too.
Nuveen is betting on weird real estate niches—because boring rent checks are the new NFTs.
Courtesy of Zuri Gardens
The investment giant’s expanding into self-storage, manufactured housing, and data centers—basically anything recession-proof, emotionless, and rectangular.
In other words, they’ve stopped chasing luxury towers and started buying things that actually cash flow.
Smart move—turns out garages and shipping containers don’t default when the Fed sneezes.
More home purchases are falling through—because even commitment-phobic Millennials think prices are insane.
REUTERS
The Wall Street Journal says cancellations are up as buyers back out post-inspection, post-appraisal, or post-sanity check.
Sellers, meanwhile, are pretending not to panic while relisting with the exact same description and $0 price drop.
It’s the only market where both sides can ghost each other—and still pay closing costs.
“You guys cheer me up.”
FUN
Riddle Me This
I rise when others fall,
I’m watched by millions but built by fear.
I make the bold rich, the calm secure,
And I vanish when the news gets clear.
What am I?
Reply to this email with the answer for a chance to win a surprise
ADVICE
This Week’s Business Advice
“If your company needs a new meeting to talk about the last meeting, you don’t need better strategy—you need better people.”
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