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The Cynic: October 24
The Cynic
October 24, 2025
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BUSINESS
This Week’s Business News
Trump ends trade talks with Canada — because “terminated” sounds better in headlines than “paused.”
Business Insider | Amazon CEO Andy Jassy
The President declared all negotiations with Canada over, saying the U.S. would instead focus on bilateral deals elsewhere. Ottawa, notably, did not look shocked—just politely annoyed.
The move follows ongoing tension over tariffs and trade deficits, and signals Washington’s desire to keep leverage, not neighbors.
Canada will probably respond the way Canadians always do: with diplomacy and a hint of passive-aggressive maple syrup.
Wall Street futures climbed as Intel earnings beat expectations and everyone pretended inflation data doesn’t exist (yet).
REUTERS | Jeenah Moon
Tech optimism carried the pre-market higher, with traders ignoring the incoming CPI print long enough to feel feelings again.
Intel’s numbers gave markets their temporary dopamine hit, offsetting bond yields that refuse to chill.
Basically: the rally is powered by corporate guidance, caffeine, and selective memory.
Porsche just posted an $11 billion quarterly loss — turns out luxury cars aren’t recession-proof when your parent company’s melting.
REUTERS | Hemanshi Kamani
The automaker’s results were hammered by VW Group’s accounting hits tied to the chaotic Porsche SE structure, spooking investors and revving up crisis headlines.
Executives called it “a technical loss,” which is corporate German for “please don’t sell our stock.”
Between supply issues, EV costs, and investor panic, Porsche is now performing worse than your uncle’s Robinhood account in 2022.
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REAL ESTATE
This Week’s Real Estate News
Lower mortgage rates are finally moving homebuyers again — because apparently 6% feels like a bargain now.
AFP | Getty Images
Sales rose in September as rates dipped slightly and pent-up demand peeked out from under a blanket of despair.
Inventory is still tight, but the psychological boost of “cheaper than last month” is real enough to close deals.
It’s not a housing boom; it’s just America celebrating the financial equivalent of finding a coupon for rent.
Inflation ticked higher in September — but the Fed still might cut rates soon, because the vibes say so.
Courtesy of Zuri Gardens
CPI data showed a modest uptick in prices, but markets are betting Jerome Powell’s next move is a rate cut before the holidays.
Energy and shelter costs kept the index warm, while consumers pretended not to notice their groceries now qualify as luxury goods.
Translation: inflation’s still here, but the Fed’s tired — and tired people make generous decisions.
New York AG Letitia James arraigned in federal fraud case — irony levels reached biblical proportions.
REUTERS | Sarah Meyssonnier
James, known for prosecuting high-profile financial cases, pleaded not guilty to federal fraud charges related to alleged misuse of campaign funds.
The arraignment adds a surreal twist to one of the state’s top law enforcement figures now facing the same system she once commanded.
If karma had a law degree, this would be exhibit A.
“I don’t usually read business news, but The Cynic makes it feel like gossip who like the news.”
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ADVICE
This Week’s Business Advice
“If your company needs a new meeting to talk about the last meeting, you don’t need better strategy—you need better people.”
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