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- The Cynic: May 5
The Cynic: May 5
The Cynic
May 05, 2025
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BUSINESS
This Week’s Business News
Hollywood Shakes as Trump Threatens Tariff Sequel
REUTERS | Nathan Howard
Hollywood just got a new villain—and it's not in the script. U.S. media stocks stumbled after Trump floated a 100% tariff on foreign-made films, aiming to boost domestic production and hit back at what he called "unfair trade." The threat, unsurprisingly, was enough to send Netflix and Disney stockholders into the five stages of grief—simultaneously.
It's all part of Trump's new blockbuster strategy. The former president argued these tariffs would level the playing field and “protect American culture,” though no one’s quite sure if that includes reboots of 90s sitcoms. Media execs, meanwhile, are scrambling to see if their favorite Cannes winners count as “foreign threats.”
Wall Street, as usual, freaked out like it was opening weekend. Investors weren’t exactly thrilled by the idea, with major media shares dipping across the board. Hollywood may not be scared of a box office bomb, but they’re definitely spooked by Trump’s tax plot twist.
Skechers Laces Up a $9 Billion Exit Plan
Reuters
Comfort is out, cash is in. Skechers is being taken private in a $9 billion deal, marking one of the biggest footwear buyouts in recent memory. Apparently, selling chunky sneakers is more lucrative than anyone expected—even your dad’s orthopedic-looking pair.
Investors got the best foot massage of their lives. Shares spiked on the news, with the buyers clearly betting that comfy shoes still have a soul—or at least a solid margin. The company has been growing fast, despite fashion critics calling it “retirement-core.”
Now Skechers goes from mall staple to Wall Street trophy. The company’s new owners promise global expansion and innovation, which presumably means more shoes that look like they were designed by an algorithm and a chiropractor.
OpenAI Says: Trust Us, We're Still a Non-Profit (Kind Of)
Peter Johnson | REUTERS
OpenAI has restructured again—because why not? The organization announced it will remain under nonprofit control, but with a shiny new governance structure that should definitely not concern you at all.
It’s like a Silicon Valley promise ring. They swear they’re still focused on the public good, despite being worth more than some nations and cozying up to Microsoft harder than your clingiest ex. The board shakeup is being framed as "responsible stewardship," which is code for "please don't regulate us yet."
Transparency? Vibes. Power? Centralized. While the nonprofit label remains, many critics note the lines are blurrier than a DALL-E painting of democracy. But hey, if the AI says it’s ethical, who are we to argue?
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REAL ESTATE
This Week’s Real Estate News
Secret Listings Are the New Real Estate Power Move
George Rose | Getty Images
You thought real estate was cutthroat? Try private listings. Agents and platforms are sparring over the growing trend of keeping listings out of the MLS, sparking debates over transparency, access, and how many exclusives one agent can brag about at brunch.
Some say it’s elitist. Others call it strategy. Private listings let agents show properties to select buyers before they’re public, which sounds fine—until you realize it’s also how secret societies operate. Critics argue it limits competition and discriminates against regular buyers.
This isn’t just shady—it’s shaping the future. If private listings keep growing, home buying could become more like an invite-only club than an open market. Welcome to real estate’s VIP room—bottle service not included.
Recession Incoming? Mortgage Rates Could Do… Anything, Really
Federal News Network
Bad news: A recession might lower mortgage rates. Worse news: You’ll still be broke. Economists say that if the U.S. hits a recession, interest rates could dip—technically making homes cheaper, unless your job also vanishes.
Don’t get too excited. Lower rates don’t mean more affordability when home prices are still climbing Everest. Plus, lenders get stingier than a teenager asked to Venmo their share of rent.
The only certainty? Uncertainty. Whether rates fall or not, homebuyers are stuck playing economic roulette. Just pray the Fed doesn't sneeze in the wrong direction this quarter.
eXp Lands Top Texas Real Estate Team. The Rest of Texas Notices
Getty Images
Texas real estate just got a little more eXpensive. One of the state’s most prominent brokerage teams is joining eXp Realty, giving the fast-growing firm another shiny trophy to add to the shelf.
The move could shift market dynamics. While most people just care about square footage and school districts, insiders are watching this like it’s the Super Bowl. eXp says it’s part of a larger push to consolidate top talent—and they’re not subtle about it.
Will it matter for buyers? Probably not. But it’s another sign that the big names are hoarding the best agents, and your cousin with a Keller Williams card is now officially on notice.
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