The Cynic: July 29

BUSINESS
This Week’s Business News

🇺🇸 The U.S. and EU just avoided a trade war by agreeing to pretend 15% tariffs are totally fine.

After two years of drama, the U.S. and EU reached a deal to avoid slapping each other with auto tariffs—settling on a lovely compromise where both sides just call it 15% and move on.

This ends the standoff triggered by Trump-era tariffs and Biden-era foot-dragging, with the EU agreeing not to escalate in exchange for "transparency" on U.S. EV tax credits. In other words: paperwork wins wars now.

No one got everything they wanted, but both sides got just enough to declare victory on Twitter—and for diplomats, that’s pretty much a parade.

⚡ Elon Musk just locked down a $16.5 billion chip deal with Samsung—because your car now needs more semiconductors than a rocket.

Tesla signed a massive chip supply agreement with Samsung to ensure it has the firepower for future AI, autonomy, and, let’s be honest, Twitter-on-wheels features.

Samsung will supply Tesla with advanced 4-nanometer chips, starting 2026, which will power everything from self-driving to Full Self-Driving™ to... whatever's slightly better than Full.

In a world where cars are now smartphones with wheels, Musk is just making sure his don't crash—unless it’s the kind of crash you can tweet through.

💉 Novo Nordisk just ran out of excuses—it’s time to actually grow Wegovy now.

With the U.S. blocking copycat GLP-1 meds for the next 16 years, Novo Nordisk has full market control—and now investors expect something more than Ozempic hype and blurry before-and-afters.

Sales of Wegovy have cooled slightly, and analysts want to know if the company can ramp up production, grow global markets, and still make enough people skinny to keep Wall Street fat.

The drugmaker says it’s focused on supply and expanding indications. Investors say: cute, but show us the weight-loss money.

REAL ESTATE
This Week’s Real Estate News

🏗️ Affordable housing is suddenly profitable—which must be why everyone’s shocked.

Turns out that building affordable housing can actually make money… if developers get tax credits, subsidies, and favorable zoning. So basically: yes, with cheat codes.

With rents rising and luxury condos sitting idle, builders are waking up to the economics of volume and stability instead of $7,000 backsplash upgrades.

Even Blackstone is sniffing around the space, which means it’s only a matter of time before "affordable" means $3,500 for a closet next to a Starbucks.

🚪 Americans love gated communities because nothing says freedom like a keypad and a guard booth.

More than 80% of new homes in some metro areas are in gated developments, and it’s not just retirees—millennials are buying in too, trading walkability for walls.

People say they want "security" and "community," but what they really want is HOA-approved landscaping and zero eye contact.

It's suburban cosplay for people who still want to feel like they’re escaping something—even if it’s just the Amazon delivery guy.

🌴 LA’s luxury housing market is alive—but only if you’re rich, European, or delusional.

Despite high rates and fewer sales, prices for LA’s luxury homes are climbing—fueled by all-cash foreign buyers and sellers who would rather die than accept a haircut.

The sub-$5 million tier is sluggish, but anything above $10 million is moving, especially if it comes with a wine cellar and six detached lawsuits.

It’s not a buyer’s market or a seller’s market—it’s a “let’s just wait until the Fed gives up” market.

PARTNER CONTENT

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FUN
Riddle Me This

I rise when there's fear,
I fall when there’s cheer.
I live in the minds of CNBC men—
And I vanish the second the Fed hits 10.
What am I?

Reply to this email with the answer for a chance to win a surprise

ADVICE
This Week’s Business Advice

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SPONSORSHIP
This Week’s Partner

Former PepsiCo Exec Invented A Plastic That Dissolves in Water

If anyone knows a thing about plastic’s impact on the planet, it’s Manuel Rendon. The former PepsiCo executive and environmental engineer is using his 20 years of expertise to solve one of the world’s biggest problems with Timeplast.

Up to 450 million metric tons of plastic are wasted each year. Microplastics seep into our bodies, and mountains of bottles pile up in the ocean. But Timeplast has patented a water-soluble, time-programmable plastic that vanishes without harming the environment.

Major players are already partnering with Timeplast for its patented technology—their sales grew 6,000% in the first month.

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_{This is a paid advertisement for Timeplast’s Regulation CF Offering. Please read the offering circular at invest.timeplast.com.}