The Cynic: July 18

BUSINESS
This Week’s Business News

Bahrain just signed $1.7 billion in U.S. deals—because what’s diplomacy without a shopping spree?

During a meeting with Donald Trump, Bahrain announced a shopping cart full of American deals, including $1 billion in cybersecurity contracts, $500 million in green energy, and $200 million for education and training. Yes, even Middle Eastern monarchies need LinkedIn certifications now.

Trump hailed the partnership as evidence of renewed U.S. influence in the region, while Bahrain framed it as part of their “Vision 2030” economic revamp. Basically: “We want diversification, but make it defense-friendly.”

The big winner? U.S. firms like Honeywell and Caliber, who just secured fat government contracts without having to compete on price. God bless the handshake economy.

Peter Thiel just made Bitmine Immersion jump 30% by blinking at it.

Shares of Bitmine Immersion, a company that makes liquid-cooled crypto-mining tanks (yes, really), skyrocketed after Palantir co-founder Peter Thiel revealed a 6.6% stake. The market saw "Thiel" and immediately hit “buy”—no questions asked.

The company’s tech involves submerging Bitcoin mining rigs in oil to keep them cool—basically hot tubs for GPUs. And now that a tech billionaire with a “dark money” reputation is backing it, Wall Street suddenly thinks it’s genius.

To be fair, if anyone’s going to profit from boiling cryptocurrency like ramen noodles, it’s the guy who built Palantir and funded the first Facebook check.

Tether bought a South American farming company because why not add corn to your stablecoin?

The crypto giant behind USDT just acquired a company called “Biodiversity,” which owns 100,000 hectares of farmland in South America. Because apparently, nothing screams “stable” like soybeans and blockchain.

Tether says the move is part of its real-world asset strategy and is meant to boost food security and environmental sustainability. Also, nothing inspires trust in the financial system like a cryptocurrency company running cattle.

Critics are baffled—Tether has never disclosed audited reserves, but now it owns a farming conglomerate? If this ends with a cow-themed NFT, don’t say we didn’t warn you.

REAL ESTATE
This Week’s Real Estate News

Homebuilders are slashing prices like it’s Black Friday at Home Depot.

In June, 29% of homebuilders cut prices—the highest rate in three years—as high mortgage rates and buyer fatigue finally caught up to the market. Incentives like free upgrades and mortgage buydowns are also back on the menu.

The National Association of Home Builders says buyer traffic is weak, confidence is slipping, and the only people still calling are investors asking, “Can you Airbnb it?”

Bottom line: if you're looking for a new build and willing to live somewhere called "Maple Breeze Estates Phase III," now’s your time to shine.

Mortgage demand just dropped 10% in a week—because nobody wants a 7% rate and a lifetime of regret.

Applications for home loans plummeted as rates ticked back up and recession anxiety returned to the group chat. Even refinancing activity fell, which tells you just how cooked the market is.

Economists say the latest drop is a response to “uncertainty.” Translation: no one knows what the Fed is doing, and Zillow searches are turning into Zillow daydreams.

When the most active housing participants are bots scraping listings for hedge funds, you know the American Dream is on a smoke break.

Sweden’s building a whole city out of wood because concrete is so 20th century.

Stockholm’s new district, Sickla, will feature 2,000 homes, offices, and shops—all made almost entirely from engineered timber. It’s called “Wood City,” because Ikea Forest was apparently taken.

Developers say it’s part of a push to lower carbon emissions and build more sustainably. Bonus: it smells amazing and might survive better than your Wi-Fi during storms.

Europe is leading the way in wooden high-rises, and while critics worry about fire risks, Sweden’s just out here proving that modernity can come in plywood form.

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BREAKING NEWS
This Week’s Headlines

📣 Maurene Comey warns DOJ to stand up to political pressure in fiery memo.
When your resignation letter doubles as a mic drop, things are probably not chill at Justice.

🥤 Trump wants Coke made with cane sugar—experts say it’s not exactly health food.
Turns out switching from corn syrup to cane still won’t make a Diet Coke count as wellness.

💰 Congress backs Trump’s budget cuts to NPR, PBS, and foreign aid.
Big Bird’s getting benched while billions stay home—welcome to America First: Broadcast Edition.

🔥 Israeli strikes escalate as Syria and Hezbollah enter the fray.
The Middle East just unlocked a new level in the “Very Complicated War” simulator.

⛪ Israeli airstrike destroys Catholic church in Gaza, killing seven.
The strike hit Saint Porphyrius Church, one of the oldest in Gaza—Israel said it was targeting Hamas, but the blast killed seven sheltering civilians, including children.

FUN
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I live in the minds of CNBC men—
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ADVICE
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