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- The Cynic: Jan 23
The Cynic: Jan 23
REAL ESTATE
This Week’s Real Estate News
LA’s Luxury Housing Market Burns Bright, Just Like the Wildfires

Katherine Clarke | WSJ | Shutterstock
Apparently, the L.A. luxury housing market is setting records—not for prices, but for how fast it can burn through your savings. According to reports, the city's high-end properties are selling faster than you can say "overpriced." Meanwhile, everyone else can only watch from their less glamorous (but still expensive) rented condos. The rich are getting richer, and everyone else is stuck in a loop of "maybe next year."
It’s truly something to behold when the real estate boom is limited to those who don’t mind paying for a house the size of a football field, as long as it comes with ocean views and a few jacuzzis. As for the rest of L.A.? Well, don’t worry; there’s always a trendy studio apartment with a view of someone else's balcony. As long as you can pretend it’s a "loft" and the rent is only “slightly” too high for your paycheck.
But don’t worry, for those still dreaming of a luxury home, there’s always a chance—just as long as you’re okay with a hefty loan, high interest rates, and competing against billionaires who can outbid you before you even see the place. But hey, at least they’ve got a pool, right?
The Construction Industry Tackles Climate Change With… Lego-Style Bricks?

Lucy Handley | CNBC | Getty Images
So, the construction industry is fighting climate change by using Lego bricks—no, really. But don’t worry, these aren’t the kinds that’ll haunt you when you step on them barefoot. These bricks are supposedly made from sustainable materials. Sure, because when it comes to saving the planet, nothing says "eco-friendly" quite like colorful plastic building blocks, right?
Apparently, this new initiative aims to lower carbon footprints. But honestly, the whole idea feels like it was born out of a few too many late-night brainstorming sessions fueled by caffeine and nostalgia. Who wouldn’t want to construct a skyscraper out of childhood toys? It’s either brilliant or a logistical nightmare, depending on how you look at it.
At least the construction world is attempting something fresh, even if that something is more about building fortresses out of recycled materials like hemp and plastic bottles. After all, what says “sustainable” more than reusing things that are simultaneously saving the environment and ruining it?
Mortgage Rates Are Staying High—But You’re Still Welcome to Pretend You Can Afford It

Greg Iacurci | CNBC | Getty Images
So, mortgage rates are staying high for the foreseeable future, and no one seems to know when they'll drop. But let’s be real: at this point, you’re better off waiting for a unicorn to show up in your backyard than hoping for rates to come down anytime soon. Experts are throwing around terms like "inflation" and "economic stability" like they're magical incantations that make sense to absolutely no one.
As if that wasn’t enough to make you want to crawl into a hole and avoid buying a house, the Fed keeps tightening the screws on the economy, raising rates to curb inflation. Of course, the result is that you're stuck paying ridiculous monthly payments for a property you’ll never afford. But hey, who needs savings or a reasonable mortgage rate, right?
So, as the real estate market continues to teeter on the edge of absurdity, maybe it’s time to embrace the new normal: waiting. Whether that’s waiting for rates to come down or waiting for the apocalypse, it seems like we’re all in the same boat. Enjoy your homeownership dreams—just not anytime soon.
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BUSINESS
This Week’s Business News
Tech CEOs Get a New Reason to Smile: Trump’s Money Is Here, and So Is the Confusion

Blake Montgomery | The Guardian | Getty Images
So, apparently, Donald Trump has decided to join the AI revolution, investing in tech companies that will revolutionize the future or something. Naturally, tech CEOs are “thrilled” because who doesn’t want a billionaire ex-president with questionable business practices throwing money into their startup? It’s like having a fox guard the henhouse, but with a little extra flair and questionable motives.
Tech moguls can’t contain their excitement as they take the checks with grins so wide, you’d think they were getting into an exclusive club—except the club's theme is “how to make money off of machines that are still mostly confused by simple tasks." This sudden wave of interest in AI investment by Trump’s camp isn’t entirely new, though; it’s just the latest part of the show that makes you wonder how much of this is about shaping the future and how much is about future tax breaks.
Sure, the big names in tech are dancing for joy over a potential financial windfall, but let’s not forget: just because you throw money at AI doesn’t mean it’ll actually work as advertised. After all, we’re still waiting on a chatbot that doesn’t give you answers like it was written by a confused teenager. But hey, who’s counting when the checks keep rolling in?
Trump Wants to Bring Back Office Life—Because Who Needs Remote Work When You Can Be in a Cubicle Again?

James FitzGerald | BBC | Getty Images
In a shocking twist that nobody saw coming—unless you’ve been tracking the headlines since, you know, forever—Donald Trump wants all government employees back in the office. You read that right. Apparently, the idea of working from home has been too “productive” for the masses, and it's time to fix that. So, the man who once ran on the promise of "making America great again" now thinks the best way to improve productivity is to make sure people are back to their desks, staring at the same beige walls they’ve hated for decades. Genius, right?
To make matters even more hilarious, Trump’s push comes at a time when the world is finally learning that remote work isn’t the apocalypse. But who needs flexibility when you can have rigid, outdated office culture instead? As government workers return to their cubicles, the real question remains: How many Zoom calls will people fake being on, just so they can avoid eye contact with their coworkers? We're sure some productivity will return—right alongside the ever-looming sense of dread that only a long commute can bring.
But in case you were wondering, this isn’t just about making workers "feel important." Oh no, Trump has also found the perfect opportunity to remind everyone that a little forced office time might just reignite the productivity everyone has clearly been missing since 2020. Sure, it’s a bold plan—probably as bold as the decision to give office chairs a second shot at relevance.
Lidl Stands Up for Farmers—But Only the One Percent of Them

Charlotte Edwards | BBC | Getty Images
Lidl is stepping up to bat for the UK’s controversial farm inheritance tax, which is about as subtle as a bull in a china shop. The grocery chain is worried that the tax, designed to protect farmers from selling land to pay off the government, could hurt profits. Apparently, the thought of the wealthy landowners having to part with some of their fortune is just too much to bear. Heaven forbid the rich should ever have to share.
It’s one thing for Lidl to throw its weight around on an issue that sounds good in the press, but it’s another to support something that might actually hurt their bottom line. It’s like they’re pretending to care about the “little guy,” all while quietly defending the privilege of the landowning class. Who knew a grocery chain could be so generous with the wealth of the already-wealthy?
Sure, the farm inheritance tax might seem small compared to the bigger picture, like the rising cost of living. But at least we know where Lidl stands: firmly in the corner of the ultra-wealthy, making sure they don’t have to give up a single cent more than they absolutely have to. Truly a noble cause.
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NEWS
This Week’s Headlines
ADVICE
This Week’s Business Advice
"The key to scaling your business is knowing when to stop overthinking and just act. There's a lot of noise out there—trust your gut and get things moving."
FUN
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I’m bought with cash but never owned,
I can’t be moved, but you pay to stay.
You’ll never see me on a loan,
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