The Cynic: August 17

BUSINESS
This Week’s Business News

Trump says China buying Russian oil is “bad”—but not that bad.

Trump told reporters there are “no imminent plans” to punish China for importing Russian oil, despite pressure from hawks to take a harder line. His reasoning? He doesn’t want to “blow up the world.” Which, all things considered, feels refreshingly moderate.

Instead, he called out the hypocrisy of U.S. allies buying Russian oil through loopholes while criticizing China for doing the same. It’s the diplomatic equivalent of “you first.”

So for now, Beijing gets a pass—at least until oil hits $200 a barrel or someone forgets to compliment Trump’s tie.

Senator Josh Hawley is probing Meta over its AI policies—because hallucinating chatbots weren’t enough chaos.

Hawley launched an investigation into Meta’s AI tools, including whether they’re biased, unsafe, or being used to manipulate users—also known as “Tuesday” at Meta HQ.

The Senator wants details on how Meta trains its models, how they handle disinformation, and whether user data is being fed into the machine. Meta says they’re committed to safety, which is comforting in the way a haunted house guide says “You’ll be fine.”

Hawley has a history of grilling Big Tech, but this time it’s personal—he wants receipts, transcripts, and maybe a bot that doesn’t try to sell crypto in the middle of a suicide prevention convo.

Markets are bracing for another shaky week—and not the fun kind of volatility.

Energy prices are rising, U.S. officials are pressuring Ukraine to show results, and global investors are stress-refreshing their Bloomberg terminals like it’s fantasy football Sunday.

Brent crude is up, natural gas demand is volatile, and geopolitical tension is now its own asset class. Everyone’s talking “macro uncertainty” again, which usually means “buy gold and blame Europe.”

The bottom line? If your portfolio feels like it’s having mood swings, it’s not you—it’s the planet.

REAL ESTATE
This Week’s Real Estate News

Trump’s “Big, Beautiful” economic bill is headed to the Senate—here’s who’s smiling.

The proposed legislation would extend tax cuts for businesses, expand energy development, and incentivize domestic manufacturing. Trump called it “beautiful,” which in policy terms means “wide, heavy, and built to impress.”

Big winners include energy companies, real estate developers, and anyone who sells concrete or drill bits. Democrats argue it favors the wealthy, while Republicans say it's about jobs and sovereignty—classic dinner table material.

Will it pass? Probably not in full. But parts of it could stick, especially the ones with “Made in America” stamped in size 100 font.

Opendoor’s CEO resigned, and the stock immediately panic-texted its therapist.

Shares of the home-flipping platform dropped nearly 9% after CEO Carrie Wheeler announced she was stepping down. The company also reported a wider-than-expected loss and lowered its guidance.

Opendoor’s business model—buying homes fast, reselling them faster—worked great when rates were low and Zillow was everyone’s second tab. Now? It's giving “tech bro meets foreclosure.”

The board says the leadership transition is “part of our long-term vision,” which usually translates to “please stop shorting us.”

AI is now running the apartment market, and it’s not great at small talk.

From pricing units to screening tenants, AI tools are quietly becoming the new landlords—just with less personality and more access to your credit report.

Firms say AI boosts efficiency and removes bias, but critics argue it just automates the same bad decisions faster and with fancier charts. And if you've ever tried reasoning with an algorithm, you know how this ends: with you refreshing your inbox for a lease that never comes.

So yes, the future of renting might involve fewer humans—but you’ll still get rejected for that studio because “the model flagged your income-to-vibe ratio.”

FUN
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ADVICE
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