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- The Cynic: April 20
The Cynic: April 20
The Cynic
April 20, 2025
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BUSINESS
This Week’s Business News
Italy Ditches Tech Taxes (Just in Time to Avoid an Awkward G7 Dinner)
REUTERS | Nathan Howard
Italy suddenly remembered it likes American tech money.
After years of flirting with a digital tax that annoyed companies like Apple and Google, Italy has now joined the U.S. in opposing "discriminatory" tech levies. Apparently, taxing trillion-dollar companies isn’t worth a few hundred million euros of awkward silence with Uncle Sam.
Call it the olive branch special.
The digital tax brought in less than €500 million—basically the tip jar of Italy’s national budget. Now, with a new Trump administration and Meloni warming up to D.C., Rome’s figured it’s better to make friends than enemies with broadband.
Europe: frowning in the distance.
As Meloni gets cozy with Washington, other EU leaders are side-eyeing her like she just brought pineapple pizza to a summit. But when you’re running a budget this tight, you smile at whoever’s holding the purse.
DHL Cancels Big Packages to America, Amazon Shoppers Begin to Spiral
Reuters
Got something over $800 coming in from abroad? DHL just ghosted you.
Thanks to new U.S. customs rules that make importing anything “fancy” a bureaucratic obstacle course, DHL is suspending all high-value shipments to American consumers. So that vintage espresso machine from Milan? It’s staying in Milan.
Customs said “do paperwork,” DHL said “nah.”
The rules now require formal entry for anything over $800, which adds costs, delays, and a full-time therapist for customer support. DHL responded like a moody teenager: “Then I won’t ship at all.”
Business buyers? You're safe (for now).
If you’re a company importing truckloads of lithium batteries, you’re golden. But if you're just a consumer with expensive taste? Try UPS. Or maybe try lowering your standards.
Taiwan Keeps Short-Selling Ban, Market Still Nervous
Peter Johnson | REUTERS
Taiwan extended its short-selling ban, again—because nothing says confidence like not letting anyone bet against you.
Blaming ongoing tariff drama and market jitters, regulators have decided to keep the training wheels on just a little longer.
Market freedom? Ask again later.
Short-selling is basically capitalism’s way of letting you yell “this sucks” with your money. Taiwan said: “Not while people are watching.”
Stocks stayed mostly flat—which, all things considered, is a win.
Investors aren’t exactly thrilled, but they’re not running for the exits either. Taiwan’s strategy seems to be: stall long enough and maybe everyone forgets what volatility is.
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REAL ESTATE
This Week’s Real Estate News
Mortgage Madness: Homebuyers Flock to Risky Loans, Again
George Rose | Getty Images
Adjustable-rate mortgages are back—because nothing screams ‘economic stability’ like betting your house on interest rates.
With tariffs pushing rates higher and affordability sinking, buyers are once again cozying up to the same exotic loans that helped implode the economy in 2008.
It’s deja vu with a fixed teaser rate.
Interest-only loans, ARM deals, and financial YOLO are becoming the norm again as desperate buyers try to outwit the housing crisis with... optimism?
The dream of homeownership now comes with fine print—and Advil.
People aren’t qualifying for “safe” loans, so they’re diving headfirst into financial gymnastics. Because apparently, owning a home is now a high-risk sport.
Elon Musk Quietly Plants His People in a Federal Agency You’ve Never Heard Of
Federal News Network
Musk’s influence now extends to a sleepy federal agency that oversees $100 billion in contracts.
While everyone’s been watching Tesla and SpaceX, Elon has slipped several of his top lieutenants into the General Services Administration (GSA)—basically the government’s landlord and shopping mall manager.
It’s like Risk, but for procurement.
The GSA controls how the government buys, leases, and builds things—so naturally, Musk wanted in. Innovation or soft coup? Depends on how much you like flamethrowers in federal office parks.
Critics are yelling “conflict of interest,” but Musk just tweeted a dog meme.
Whether it’s for efficiency or empire-building, the move shows that even federal supply chains aren’t safe from the billionaire disruption squad.
Florida Wants to Kill Property Taxes—Cue the Budget Anxiety
Getty Images
Florida is toying with killing property taxes, because who needs public services anyway?
Lawmakers are floating the idea of eliminating property taxes entirely, which would be great for homeowners and a nightmare for schools, roads, and literally everything else.
Pay less in taxes, get less of everything.
To make up for the shortfall, options include higher sales taxes, service fees, or just hoping Disney picks up the tab. Spoiler: they won’t.
In Florida, even the budget is feeling tropical storm vibes.
Sure, it would make owning a home cheaper... until you need a fire department or a working bridge. But hey, freedom isn’t free—it’s just post-taxed.
"The Cynic is the only thing I read before making million-dollar decisions"
NEWS
This Week’s Headlines
A Boeing jet earmarked for China was returning to the United States on Friday as the planemaker's flagship delivery plant was drawn into a deepening tariff war.
The 2025 NFL Draft is less than a week away
Russian President Vladimir Putin has announced a temporary Easter ceasefire in Ukraine starting Saturday, citing humanitarian reasons. Russia and Ukraine meanwhile swapped hundreds of captured soldiers in the largest exchange since Moscow’s full-scale invasio…
SportsLine expert Matt Severance, who has returned $4,452 on all NBA picks, reveals his NBA playoff predictions for Game 1 of the Milwaukee Bucks vs. Indiana Pacers
Ryan Coogler and Michael B. Jordan's 'Sinners' bit into a solid opening day. 'A Minecraft Movie' crossed $300 million at the domestic box office.
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ADVICE
This Week’s Business Advice
"If you're not solving a real problem, you're just selling a more expensive version of someone else's mistake."
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