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- The Cynic: April 14
The Cynic: April 14
The Cynic
April 14, 2025
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BUSINESS
This Week’s Business News
Apple Spared by Tariffs, Investors Cry Tears of Joy (and Caffeine)
REUTERS | Nathan Howard
Apple stock jumped like it just found out its screen repairs aren’t $500 anymore.
The U.S. decided to spare iPhones and laptops from the next round of China tariffs, and Wall Street responded like it had just been told Christmas was back on. Apple soared over 5%, dragging tech stocks into an all-too-familiar relief rally.
Don’t get too comfortable, nerds.
While the tech world popped champagne, the tariff exemptions are about as permanent as a Silicon Valley founder’s “retirement.” Semiconductor imports are still in the crosshairs, so keep those party hats on standby.
A classic case of ‘better than awful.’
Investors aren't celebrating strength—they’re just relieved things didn’t implode. It’s the kind of optimism you get when your flight is delayed instead of cancelled.
Xi Signs 45 Deals in Vietnam, Still Has Tariff Anxiety
CNBC
Nothing says ‘global friendship’ like a trade war.
With the U.S. tossing around tariffs like party favors, China’s President Xi stopped by Vietnam to shake hands, cut deals, and remind the region who has the better rail projects.
They signed 45 cooperation agreements—because 46 would be excessive.
From supply chains to infrastructure to probably a few things no one read, the deals look like China’s way of saying, “If America doesn’t want you, we might.”
China’s diplomatic tour: now with 30% more desperation.
As tariffs bite and neighbors get nervous, Xi’s trip is less about unity and more about survival—because nothing says strong economic leadership like bribing your neighbors with high-speed trains.
Peso Falls 12%—Investors Call It ‘Refreshing,’ Locals Call It ‘Tuesday
Peter Johnson | REUTERS
Argentina just let its peso loose like a pet tiger on espresso.
The currency dropped 12% overnight after officials decided to “relax” controls in the same way a surgeon might “relax” on anesthesia. The move is part of a $20 billion IMF deal to appear functional.
Investors are into it. The rest of the country? Not so much.
Wall Street clapped. Local citizens braced. Economists called it brave. Everyone else called it “Tuesday in Argentina.”
Milei’s economic plan: break everything, then sell the parts.
The libertarian president says deregulation is the path to salvation. It might be. Or it might be the financial version of ripping out your brakes because they're slowing you down.
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REAL ESTATE
This Week’s Real Estate News
Saudi Housing Boom Continues—Population Optional
George Rose | Getty Images
Saudi Arabia is throwing $1.2 billion at housing, and not one unit is finished.
Thanks to Vision 2030, the kingdom is betting big on residential development, led by the sci-fi utopia NEOM—a city that currently exists mostly in PowerPoints and promotional drones.
NEOM is still hot, but even hype has a shelf life.
Interest in NEOM is cooling slightly as other mega-projects start popping up like overpriced mushrooms in the desert. Turns out not everyone wants to buy a $3 million smart pod in a city that doesn’t exist yet.
When in doubt, build real estate before people ask for it.
This is less about housing and more about optics. Saudi Arabia’s housing strategy is: if you build it (and throw billions at it), maybe someone will eventually show up.
Trump Wants Affordable Housing on Federal Land—And Fast
Federal News Network
Trump wants to turn federal land into affordable housing, because why not?
His plan includes opening public land to developers with minimal regulations and ultra-low taxes—basically a real estate version of The Purge, but with homebuilders instead of machetes.
Critics say it's unrealistic. Developers say, ‘Where do we sign?’
The plan’s appeal is obvious: no bureaucracy, cheap land, and more roofs over heads. The downside? Environmentalists may chain themselves to trees faster than you can say “zoning laws.”
Housing crisis meets campaign trail.
Whether it works or not, it’s a headline-friendly solution to a very real problem. And compared to most housing policy, it at least has the benefit of sounding like it might actually build something.
Jobs Up, Housing Down: The Economy’s Favorite Magic Trick
Getty Images
The March jobs report was great, so of course the housing market is spiraling.
Employment surged, but the housing sector is feeling the sting from higher interest rates and tariffs, because nothing in this economy is allowed to make sense for more than ten minutes.
More people working, fewer people buying homes.
Mortgage rates are still stuck in the “nah” zone, and builders are holding back as material costs rise. It’s like giving everyone a raise, then doubling rent out of spite.
Apparently, ‘strong economy’ doesn’t include places to live.
It’s becoming increasingly clear that good job numbers and housing affordability are now sworn enemies. Pick your poison: job security or a down payment under $100k.
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NEWS
This Week’s Headlines
An Israeli air strike early on Sunday badly damaged the last functioning hospital in Gaza City.
A Minecraft Movie has grossed an estimated $550.6M worldwide through its second weekend. Of that, $269.6M is from the international box office
Pennsylvania State Police say they are investigating an alleged arson at the governor’s residence overnight, which left the building with a “significant amount of damage.”
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ADVICE
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